let us like holy palmers

At long last, triskafibble's thoroughly evil timestamp. Stalked: The Next Day. Rodney being all "Ew!" and John being all "Geez," and stuff. Well, it's not the next day. It is, however, the next second, and parts of the next week and month, so maybe that will make up for any disappointment.



Apparently, not even a kiss was enough to get Rodney to shut up, because the guy’s mouth was still moving and he was making these little mmphing noises. Any minute now he was bound to get a bright idea and bite John’s lip, so John began maneuvering the two of them—still locked in a kiss—toward a corner/alcove thing he could see out of the corner of his eye. It would’ve been useless for escaping the determined Yannara, but it might contain the damage of Rodney’s impending explosion.

“Mmph mph mmphm MMMPH,” Rodney muffled as his back hit the wall, and John could tell the guy was about two seconds away from kicking him in the knee, so he hastily substituted a hand for his mouth after checking surreptitiously to make sure no one was watching.

“Look, keep it down, would you?” he muttered.

“Keep it down?” Rodney looked like a angry wet cat—minus the hair sticking up in funny tufts. But he had the same outraged I cannot believe you just did that to me expression. “Major, you just kissed me!”

“It wasn’t like I had much choice in the matter,” John said, voice sarcastic but body-language as casually amorous as he could manage under the circumstances. It would have been a lot easier if Rodney hadn’t kept shying away like a spooked horse every time John tried to place a friendly hand on his arm.

“Was someone holding a gun to your head? No? Well then, I don’t see what you could possibly mean by ‘not having much choice’.” He shuddered when John finally managed to catch him, but at least he stopped trying to fidget his way back into the main room.

“Well,” John said wryly, a skill he’d lost in the desert places and was only beginning to reacquire. “It was either proclaim myself as already yours or get snapped up by the creepy semi-high-tech definitely-not-Amish woman. And since I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t recognize a toothbrush if it bit her,” at which Rodney snorted, “in comparison you seemed like a match made in heaven.”

“Dental hygiene is very important,” Rodney stated stiffly, sounding somewhat less belligerent.

“Yes, it is,” John agreed, all easy affability. “Hence my desire to avoid being kissed by someone who has obviously never heard of the concept.”

“Understandable,” Rodney said, the irritation in his voice negated by the way his body finally, finally began to relax. “Just—Don’t make a habit of it. There’s already enough gossip about us, and we don’t need Ford spreading more.” Though really, Teyla, with her incomplete grasp of Earth mores, was more likely to innocently say something unfortunately true where Ford would attempt obfuscation.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” John said, and didn’t tell Rodney that it’d been John who started the first rumor months and months (and all eternity) ago, back on Earth. He can’t remember why, only that it’d seemed like a good idea at the time. Which, really, was the reasoning behind a lot more of his disasters that he was willing to admit, even to himself. This one looked to have turned out all right, though. “C’mon—let’s get out of here before Yannara gets suspicious.”


And, just for kicks, here's what would have been things 2 and 3 if I'd done a 5 things as I had planned.

2. Days/Weeks

Rodney doesn’t say anything about the kiss—kisses, plural: it seems important—when they get back to the city, which is a relief. It wouldn’t have been an actual problem, but John’s got enough hassles to deal with as is. However, the silence about the kiss spills over into silence about everything—around John, at least. After the first day and a half he starts keeping track, and two weeks later he can say with certainty that Rodney is speaking just as vociferously as ever, as long as John’s not there. Or at least as long as Rodney thinks he isn’t. As soon as he sees John, his diatribes suddenly flutter away into nothing, leaving Rodney looking like he’s swallowed a jar full of butterflies.

It reminds John of the way Rodney looked after the second kiss, the one that shut him up and sent Yannara flouncing away. At that memory, John starts to wonder, a bit uncomfortably, if he’d been a bit too successful in his verisimilitude. If, perhaps, Rodney thinks there are reasons to keep silent beyond not supplying more ammunition for the already rampant gossip about the two of them.

But that doesn’t explain why Rodney’s talking to everyone except John. If the kiss(es) is (are) bugging him so much, he should just say so as he’d been about to when John kissed him for the second time. Or, at the very least, send an email.

After another couple days and a mission that almost goes down the tubes because the people they’re trying to trade with think Rodney’s afraid of John (prompting Teyla to ask, sotto voce, on their way back, if there’s something wrong between the two of them. “Just a misunderstanding,” John says, and hopes he’s right), John’s had enough. It takes him another day and a half, but he finally manages to corner Rodney while there’s no one around.

“Hey, Rodney,” John says, and is almost amused to see Rodney go stiff. But it’s pretty obvious that Rodney’s still there only because he’s currently wedged underneath a sullenly-blinking console, and that takes all the fun out of it.

[[This is the first one that came to me, and I really have no idea where it was going. If anyone else does, please share.]]

3. Months

“Why’d you kiss me?” Rodney asks abruptly as they leave yet another Oh No, We’re All Going To Die staff meeting.

“What?” John says stupidly, exhaustion-fogged brain still chewing through all the ways the expedition’s screwed. You’d think the Ancients would have left instructions on how to recharge the batteries for the place.

“You kissed me,” Rodney says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. John stops walking.

“I did not kiss you.” He’s chronically sleep-deprived and slightly hallucinatory, but he’s not far gone enough to do that. Probably.

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I think I’d remember.”

“With tongue!”

“That I’d definitely remember.” John starts walking again.

[[And then they bicker for a little before dragging themselves off to continue preparations for the siege.]]
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I saw the opening sentence of this post and went into the longest, hugest thoroughly-silent-squee of my life!! (It's 1:15 am on a weekday night, so I'm in a house full of sleeping family members--good thing I'm well trained for these types of situations! -_^ )

I've really been looking forward to this, and you certainly haven't disappointed in the least! I love John's wary certainty that his kiss is on the verge of inducing one counterattack after another, and his perfect choice of argument for defusing Rodney's outrage (poor dental hygiene! Of course!!).

Plus...*gasp!* the McShep rumors began with Sheppard! How perfect! =D And the "seemed like a good idea at the time"--so very John indeed. ^^

2 and 3 are just lovely, too. Rodney would SO be finally ready to confront John about this months later, as an utter non-sequitur (with time-lapse-induced exaggeration--i.e., the tongue--to boot)! Perfect characterization! The same with #2: I can just imagine Rodney turning the whole incident over in his mind again and again until he has no idea how to interpret it, and starts to suspect that he's completely misjudged their relationship from day one...which really would creep him out to the point of being tongue-tied! Or something to that effect. I'd love to see both scenes expanded, but I'd feel greedy asking!

Thanks so much, Brat, for putting this big goofy grin on my face. I am well pleased, indeed, and I hope you enjoyed the writing as much as I did the reading!
Oh, good. I hoped you'd like it. I had a lot of fun writing this--once I got John and Rodney started, they sort of just . . . went, with me sitting and giggling in the background. (This is especially true of #3, which is going to be finished at some point, even if I have to do something drastic to make it happen.)

I think at least three of the five things will get written--quite probably all five. But 2-5 were holding 1 hostage, so I decided to cut it loose so you'd have something. More than a month is past long enough to wait for what should have been a flashfic. >_O
Five things would be awesome, and hey, drastic is good! ;D Never worry about leaving me waiting, though--you'd be appalled at my own track record for that, at my particular writing venue. The roleplay format was supposed to cure me of the procrastination, not make it worse!! *whimpers at her heartless muse* Besides, I thoroughly enjoy each and every snippet you post. ^_____^